Keep Going: A Note of Encouragement

Keep Going: A Note of Encouragement

Bouncing back. That’s the ability I’ve been gaining back these days and it feels so awesome. Since the miscarriage in 2016, I’ve been going through one of the worst seasons ever! I normally work my way through the messes of life and come out stronger. But, not this time.

Losing that ability was rough and foreign.

Here we are today, a little over a year later and I’m as perky as ever! Praise the Lord!!!

I’ve been working really hard this summer to guard my life from the intrusions that come quickly and almost silently. They’re the obligations that pop up and you feel like you have to say “yes” to. My summer has been quieter and that’s been so good for my wellness track.

But, these last few weeks have put some cracks in my armor. Read more

Empty

Empty

“As I go about my days, I can’t help but have a pure disgust for this world. It’s awful. I spend everyday watching as people hate one another. They bow to their idols. They choose themselves first… I look around my own house, marriage, and life to find so much idolatrous clutter. I am disgusted!

I feel like my body is crawling with 1000 bugs and I am trying to throw them off. Panic sets in and I’ve become more and more desperate to purge my life of sin and immorality and carnality. I wish to be a minimalist. Not because it’s a fad. But, because my life has taken on a form of its own. It has followed the gluttonous ways of this world and I no longer want anything to do with it…” [an entry from my journal] Read more

MTHFR: I’m Angry About This

MTHFR: I’m Angry About This

This road this has been long. As I told you in my last post, I’ve already been working on my autoimmune protocol (or ‘AIP’) for years. I just didn’t know it. All these years of grass-fed this and organic that and natural this & that hasn’t been for nothing. It’s been part of His plan all along.

I finally received confirmation on July 25th, 2017 that I am positive for a genetic disorder. I’ve been thanking God ever since for that answer because now I can go confidently in a direction without wondering if it’s worth it.

MTHFR diagnosis has changed my life

At this point, I find this will surely be one of the biggest undertakings of my life. Unlike most conventional wisdom, it’s not as easy as taking a pill to ease the suffering.

Having chosen a whole body approach to medicine because I have found this to be the most effective and won’t cause a bunch of other side effects. My work will not just be time consuming but life consuming as well. But, I’m bound and determined to balance it all.  Read more

The Diagnosis: What the MTHFR is MTHFR?!?!

The Diagnosis: What the MTHFR is MTHFR?!?!

Ok, I had to. The first time I saw this acronym I swore it was a bad word. You think so too!?!?! Why is that? The human brain is interesting. Why we see it as bad word is beyond me. I would think us Infertiles would see “MOTHER” first. Not, mother f… well you get it. Anyhow, I digress…

I’ve been diagnosed with this silly little acronym. A moment that will forever be remembered. I’ve always been told I was completely healthy and there’s no reason for the inability to get pregnant.

After speaking with my doctor for a few minutes, I hung up. And then teared up. I mean for the first time, I had at least a portion of an answer. It may not be all of the answer we need. But, it was a significant piece of the puzzle. Read more

Navigating an Unexpected Health Crisis

Navigating an Unexpected Health Crisis

This new season has been eye opening.

As you are now aware, I’ve been struggling for some time and working to regain my health – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.

I’ve never had what I would consider a life crisis before. Lots of mini issues, sure. Everyone has to scale back from time to time but this was my first full blown attack that left me broken in nearly every area of my life.

For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how crucial our physical health is to everything we do. Everyday we live like we’re invincible. But, when you become so sick you can’t function on any level, you realize just how small you really are.When my physical health tore down my daily capabilities, I had to do what it took to create space in life to focus on regaining my footing. So, that’s exactly what I did. Read more

Restoration of a Broken Heart

Restoration of a Broken Heart

Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.

But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.

Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.

I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…

I had it all. Read more

An Adoption Story: Judy & Tim Mustian

An Adoption Story: Judy & Tim Mustian

Adoptions don’t always go according to our plan and expectation. As with everything in life, we can make our plans but ultimately the Lord determines our steps. Tim and Judy’s adoption story is no different. As you will see, a happy expectation can turn sour in an instant. But, we need not to fret. God has a plan and purpose much bigger than ours. He sees every tear, disappointment, and fear. We just need to trust Him. 

Enjoy my friend Judy’s adoption story. She has a HUGE heart for adoption, those of us going through the woes of infertility, and God’s unique plan for us ttc’ers. 

Related Post: Guest Post: Judy & Tim’s [Infertility] Story


The journey to parenthood can have many twists and turns. After several years of infertility treatment, we decided that adoption was going to be our best option. We’d even said before we were ever married that if we had any trouble conceiving, that we’d adopt, so God was planting that seed early! Read more

Infertility and the Loss of a Pet

Infertility and the Loss of a Pet

It happened. I lost my pup and four-legged companion of over a decade. It was a sudden event and there was wailing. I didn’t expect it. I had all of about 3 minutes to say goodbye, most of which was spent moving through the initial shock… I went nuts. Crazy even. No time to prepare emotionally.

My Jack was completely healthy and of course, in my attempts to live life a little more carefree, had my guard down about losing him. He died in an accident on the farm.  Read more

Endurance Brought on by HOPE

Endurance Brought on by HOPE

I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.

I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?

In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojoke Read more

Basking In Projects – NIAW 2017

Basking In Projects – NIAW 2017

Have you ever been in a place in life where you look around and think “I should be more disappointed than I am”? That moment when you are missing a critical component to your life and yet, you have peace, joy, and just… shear contentment, anyways?

That’s where I am. Despite still missing some babies running around, I am basking in the sunlight that I find myself in.

I have so much coming down the pike and I am so excited about all of it. In this time of waiting, I have finally kicked my butt into gear and started getting stuff done. It was time to get cracking on those dreams I’ve had on hold for a decade or more and it just so happens that you guys get to share in the excitement. Read more