Forgiveness has never been my strong suit. I’ve been breathing on this earth for just shy of 40 years which means I’ve endured plenty of offenses and assaults, including bullies in school and being a working woman in male-dominated industries. It’s pretty nasty out there and there are plenty of reasons to harden myself towards humanity.
But, through it, God “trained” me to stand firm, hold to the truth, and develop endurance.
So, when Zera arose to her dominant state, I was already rigid enough to withstand the blows. I had learned to wear my armor [Ephesians 6] which meant her firey darts were bouncing right off. I’ll never forget the very moment that she spoke something so incredibly heinous and it literally didn’t phase me other than to think, “Did she really just say that?”.
There was a “shield of faith” positioned between me and her that she couldn’t penetrate. Watching that happen fed my faith and was evidence of God going before me and being between me and my enemy.
"But now thus says the Lord,
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, YOU ARE MINE.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you..."
Isaiah 43:1-2
This is what it is to belong to the Lord. To be saved by grace and grace alone. To once be lost but now found. To be wandering + alone but now surrounded. To be weak, angry, and unkempt but now strong, vigilant, and protected.
Zera, at least for now, has gotten away with her crime. But, because of the Lord’s work to soften my heart and give me the right view of the situation, I have forgiven her.
As good as it feels to be in the position as the one who is offended, to be right, or innocent, it is incredibly important to be humble. I believe that is where forgiveness originates and grows. Through humility.
Aren’t I Better Than You? NO!
I have a SUPER embarrassing story to tell you… golly, it is embarrassing. But, necessary to this story of growth + forgiveness… [insert a long, lamenting sigh here…]
I grew up in Ashland, VA. It’s a really cute college town a couple of hours south of DC. Back in the early 90s, there was a department store called Peebles. It was like a small town version of JC Penney. My mom and I would go there from time to time shopping for bits of clothes and things. On one of our excursions, I found this lovely ring. I was about 8 or so and I just had to have it for my collection of clothing accessories. But, my mom wouldn’t get it for me. So, I pouted.
Sound familiar? All of our parents have been “annoying” like that, right? And we’ve been that kid that wanted something and was told ‘no’?
Here’s where I’m embarrassed… when Momma wasn’t looking I stole the ring.
Yes, I was a complete brat who saw something I wanted, was told ‘no’, and decided to take it anyway.
… at this point, I’m hiding under my writing desk… I’m so very embarrassed.
God saw what I had done in secret and brought it to light. I turned myself in to my mom. She then told my dad… who was the scariest disciplinarian of my life. His idea of punishment was to, of course, make my wrong a right. He escorted me back to Peebles to give the ring back.
But, wait there’s more… there was a “Part B” of this punishment…
When we arrived at Peebles the cops were there… yes…. my dad had asked Peebles to have cops there to set me straight… they pulled me into the store’s office to talk to me about the importance of honesty, not stealing, and doing what is right. Peebles also set a boundary and said I was no longer allowed in their store.
I’ve never forgotten the lesson… and right now my stomach is queasy from admitting it to you. Excuse me while I go take some ginger…
The point? Like Zera, I. Am. A. THIEF! I simply cannot judge Zera for stealing from me because I have stolen something, too.
I am guilty of the same crime.
That is how I am able to forgive her. I am no better of a human being than she is. I can forgive because God has forgiven me.
I was finally free.
So, I’m done, right? I’ve humbled myself, forgiven Zera, moved on with my life, and refocused. What more is there to do?
The Woman at the Well
One of my absolute favorite character traits of Christ is His willingness to go to great lengths in order to care for His beloved. We see this in His work at the cross, dying for our sins, and also when He describes His leaving the 99 sheep to find the one that has gone astray.
"For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost... And if so be that He find it... He REJOICETH more of that sheep..." Matthew 18:11
In this story, Jesus was heading to Galilee but took a detour from His GPS map to stop at a well. Jesus, of course, knew that in doing this He would encounter the woman at the well.
He sat waiting. When she arrived, He told her about the true living water that He offered. She rejected Him at first but then her heart softened to hear that He could give her a quenched thirst that lasts. She was interested and Jesus asked her to go get her husband. She replied she didn’t have one.
Was that the truth? Yes and no.
She actually had told a twisted version of a lie to Him… technically, she wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t married. But, at the time, she only had a boyfriend.
Jesus wasn’t fooled and revealed that He knew all about who she was. He called out her lifestyle of having had multiple husbands (5 previous marriages to be exact), and at present, she had a boyfriend. He had exposed that she was a liar (having lied about her relationship status).
Can you blame her? She was concealing her shame of having had failed relationship, after failed relationship. Don’t miss the fact that she tried to lie to God Himself.
Shame absolutely drives us to be sinners. First as liars and if left unchecked that grows to more serious character issues. In this case, it caused the woman at the well to be hard-hearted, a liar, and dysfunctional in relationships.
Sounds like a lot of us doesn’t it… I’ve experienced in my own relationships and seen in those around me the grittiness of dysfunction stemming from shame. Shame drives us to duck into the shadows in order to avoid the possibility that our embarrassment will be exposed.
Ah, exposure… that’s what Jesus was doing. He was bringing to light that which was being concealed in secret. Was His reason for doing this to stir the pot? To bring more shame and guilt to a woman marred by life?
No. He was leaving the 99 to find the 1 that was lost. Exposing her shortcomings in order to make her whole.
He laid aside the GPS coordinates and left the roadway/the plan/the travel in order to go to this well… to meet a severely broken woman, who had no hope, who was living in shame, who was actively concealing her trail of bad decisions, who was a liar, who went from man to man, who was just going about her day to fill her bucket with water from a well… it was all for her. The 1 that was lost and needed to be set free from her guilt and shame.
It was then that she took the soul-quenching water that He handed to her. She would be free.
It’s Her
I had forgiven Zera and my heart was pliable but it still didn’t break for her.
The week of September 18th, I was basking in my glory of deep-rooted freedom when God jolted me out of my “safe land”. In part two of this story – Fallow Ground – I stated that so many people wanted to label Zera as evil but, God kept nudging me to see her as severely broken.
God was right. She isn’t evil. In the space of a breath, it hit me.
Zera is a woman at the well. It’s her.
That moment forever altered the state of my heart, my mind, and even my emotions.
I saw her for the first time as God saw her. Broken but worth veering off course. Living in shame but not incurable. Hardened by her choices, her life, and her disappointments but still loved by Christ Himself.
I cried for Zera.
She’s hurt badly. And I just happen to be the focus of her aggression.
We all “deserve” to feel the shame and pain that we feel. We are sinners and reap the hardship that we bring about. We make the bed and we have to sleep in it, so to speak. But, freedom is still an option. Through Christ alone.
Zera has made some bad calls in this chapter. She’s done wrong but none of it is irreversible. I hope she knows this. I don’t hold a gavel over her, God does. But, He also holds His arms wide. Ready for her to let go.
By October 10th 2023, I had spent the last few weeks in awe of God’s work in all of this. I am so very thankful to have eyes to see and compassion towards Zera, for my own anger + bitterness to have dissipated, and for my heart to be humbled towards my human enemy.
My heart and flesh were failing in love but God made my heart change. Hallelujah.
My response, beyond a life of thanksgiving and compassion, was to continue praying for Zera and the family members who walked away from me.
Journal Entry: October 10, 2023
Lord God, I delight in the truth of your word today and everyday. Your mercies are new each morning and I can walk confidently in freedom + truth.
Father, thank you for all that you offer. Grace, forgiveness, edification, and all of the other promises that you give. I am glad to say that I believe my heart is mended of the anger and bitterness that came as a result of [Zera's] actions. I see your hand at work.
A couple of weeks ago you helped me to realize that she is the woman at the well. She is living in sin and yet you love her. My fight isn't against flesh + blood it is against evil {evil is trying to keep [Zera] in the bondage of chains}. I rest in this bc... I know that you go before me. My [own] healing comes from eyes set on Christ, a mind renewed by faith, and trust that is solely on you.
Lord God, I pray that [Zera] would come to a place of repentence bc she is still the woman at the well. Let her heart turn from her sins and find freedom + forgiveness in Christ.
Lord, you've taught me how to see her as you see her and my heart now breaks for her... help her to see YOU... our God, our Healer, our HOPE.
For your glory, what a testimony.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Your Turn for Application
I am not the only one who has been assaulted and offended. I am certain every single one of us walks this same road at some point in our lives. So, how will you apply my 2 year journey to your own life?
Are you living a life of unforgiveness and need to forgive your enemy? Do you need to have eyes to see and a heart that understands that we don’t war against flesh + blood but against the evil of chains and bondage?
Is your heart hardened towards someone and you need to see them as God does? As someone whom Christ died for?
Do you know and see yourself as a sinner, too? As one capable and very likely guilty of assaulting + offending? As someone who is just as much a thief as the one who stole from you?
Do you know the love of Christ? Do you know that He is the one who can set you free from your bitterness and bad calls in life? This must come first before any genuine heart change can happen. Know Him.
Leave a Reply