I am a woman torn apart by war. A very private, personal war. Its only witnesses are those immediately around me and they, too, have been affected. This war has caused pain, division, and loss. Some of those losses are unrecoverable.
My disclaimers… I must, for the purposes of this story, tell some of the grimy details. This is MY life’s story, after all. But, it’s going to be difficult for me to articulate this in such a way as to protect the human who’s involved with the enemy’s work and yet tell how evil has done its best here. So, forgive me if there are bits and bobs that seem unclear.
I will not share the name of this person or her relationship with me. I refuse to slander this person and call her out publically. I will not go into depth about the sins she’s committed but will touch on them enough that my readers feel some brevity of what’s happened.
As a final word: I ask my readers to keep their eyes on the Lord throughout this story. Because ultimately, that’s who I’m writing about. Not my enemy in human form. Not the “tea” of the story. God, and God alone, is who this story is about.
For the past couple of decades, there has been a woman in my life that I’ve suspected hasn’t liked me very much. We will call her “Zera”. Zera has been in close proximity to me and yet has kept her distance leaving me with just that… suspicions but no confirmations. But, in the last few years, my suspicions were abundantly confirmed. She has a genuine hatred for me.
A few years ago, an opportunity arose for Zera to have a sort of worldly control over me. A position of authority over my (and someone else’s) material possessions. She spoke of how she would do things right + well so, we cautiously trusted her to be honest with their handling. Unfortunately, she stole that which was ours.
Hindsight 20/20, I shouldn’t have been surprised. I did have my suspicions, right? But, to steal from the other person involved whom she, by all appearances, had a liking for was confusing. Why would she do that?
From there it got much worse. In the aftermath, Zera turned her aggression solely to me. She told me lies meant to cut me deeply. I really wish I could give more detail here but I can’t other than to say that I believe the lies were meant to be stabs. She hates me and the words were her attempts to grasp at anything that would make me hurt. I believe she’s had pent-up anger and wanted me to be brought low.
Zera moved on from me and began slandering me to my loved ones. Somehow, she convinced them that I was in the wrong because I was… let’s say… “extra”. I will insert here that, throughout this ordeal, I sought counsel from my spouse, my counselor, trusted friends who will not mince words with me, and trusted family members. I did this for accountability and I’m glad I didn’t try to fight this war alone. No one believed any of my own words or actions were inappropriate or outside of the bounds of my rights to protect myself, my household, and my lost possessions. In fact, there was some feedback that I was being too docile.
I will gladly admit to standing for the truth. But, I was not in any way “extra”. If you don’t know what that means, it implies that I was inappropriate, dramatic, wrong, a stirrer of trouble, etc. Think “Desperate Housewives”. That’s not me. But, more on this later…
She told lies about me to my loved ones and unfortunately, some of them believed her. Because my name and reputation were slandered, I lost relationships and have some that are forever altered.
That was almost two years ago. Since then, Zera has changed her position so that she is not speaking to me. As her control over my possessions grew and ceased to relent, I felt I needed to offer her the opportunity to air her grievances. There’s a saying, “you can’t make everyone happy”. I know this and there will be people to whom I’m not their cuppa tea. That’s OK. But, this is different. To hate someone so much that you steal from them, speak lies to their face, and then turn their family against them is another level of hatred.
So, I wrote her a letter.
In my suspicions over the years, I thought maybe I had offended her, hurt her, or rejected her myself. Perhaps that is why she didn’t care for me? It’s the only thing I could think of. So, I opened up to her about my past and weaknesses in my personality. I made it clear that if I had offended her or hurt her in any way to please tell me so that I can make it right. I would apologize if there was a reason to or at the very least explain.
Again, for accountability, I shared the letter with my spouse and three additional family members.
Over a year has gone by and still no answer to my letter.
Now two years into this war, I am a woman who wore her spiritual armor [Ephesians 6:10-20] during a multitude of battles and still does. It has been His hands alone that have kept me upright and the Psalms written by David have been immensely comforting.
My trust in the Lord during this war has been unmoveable and yet challenged. I’ve questioned why this happened. I’ve had to reconcile my heart towards the family members who believed the lies. But, also been reminded over and over that God sustained me in the war and still to this day is teaching me all about this human “enemy” of mine named “Zera”…
How will God heal this heart of mine and how can I ever forgive a person for stealing my possessions, my reputation, and my loved ones? That is about to be made clear… stay tuned…
Woman at the Well: Fallow Ground (Part Two)
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” Ephesians 6:10-13
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