Go Team Go: How to Promote Unity in Marriage

A strong marriage begins with our individual relationship with the Lord. I’ve noticed in my own marital bliss that things can go very wrong and it usually stems from Brooks or me taking a lackadaisical approach to our faith and trust in God.

Over and over we have to realign our steps to His will and advice found in Scripture. We have to “get back” to reading His word. “Get back” to praying more. “Get back” to holding our tongue when all we want to do is tell the love of our life how right we are and how wrong he/she is… Anybody know what I’m talking about??? 

Men versus Women – Both Are Vulnerable

Women, we have an easier time emotionally relating to our Sovereign God because we are built that way. But, we step on that shaky ground of wanting to be in charge… all. the. time! We live in a world today that encourages us to break away from anything and anyONE holding us back. Husbands included.

God says that we as Christians are not to look like the world nor get wrapped up in its belief system. We are to be intentional about our walk with Him in our marriage. And if our husband is unbelieving, then we are to conduct ourselves in a manner that will lead him to his Creator God. So, women, don’t be duped. Fight the urge to be independent from the team and draw closer to God, thus drawing closer to your man.

Guys, you’re not innocent in all this. I know how you are. All puffed up and prideful; not wanting to be submissive, emotional, and humble in your own relationship with Him… I sympathize to the fact that it’s awkward. After all, He’s created you to be the protector and head of the household – dominant roles you play each and every day. But, the truth of the matter is that we women want a man worthy of being followed and that quality is best obtained when we see you being sensitive in your walk with Jesus. Something about that just makes our job that much easier; When we know you are submitting to our Lord, respecting and taking interest in our wisdom, gifts, & talents, and wholeheartedly loving us…WHEW! When those conditions are present, we blossom. Speaking truth here fellas.

We all have our work cut out for us, amen?

Brooks and I Aren’t Perfect, Either…

Brooks and I have been married 12 and a half years. Not long in the grand scheme of things but, I always like to add that we’ve been together 18 years. Those first 5 and half years were chock full of trials. So, to me, it counts. In those 12 married years of doing life together, we learned a lot. We’ve worked in many capacities and learned how to be “one”.

We’ve been a married couple as “one” and been in business as “one”. Worked in ministry as “one” and have walked the tough road of infertility as “one”.

It wasn’t always like this nor is it always still. We slowly break away from each other from time to time and eventually find ourselves behaving more like individuals than as a team that God has specifically woven together.

Again, when this happens, I can always pinpoint one or both of us as having become super lazy or distracted in our pursuits as a man and woman after God’s heart. We have learned that it takes being intentional. Devotions together don’t just happen. Considering our spouse in all that we decide to do isn’t always automatic.

One of the most miserable places to be in my marriage is when we aren’t on the same page. Those times that we lack unity in ___________ (fill in the blank)… Be it money, romance, decisions about our next chapter, business model, whatever. As a wife, I HATE disunion.

GO TEAM GO

I want to encourage you to work as a team. Intentionally!

Here are a few steps to create unity & oneness, as well as some “getting back” items that we’ve had to do over the years.

1. Promote oneness by focusing on your own relationship with God. Repent of your own personal sins and ways you’ve drawn away from Him. Focus on your own problems, first and foremost!
2. Inspire unity by committing to devotionals together 3 days per week (not including Sunday worship). Three times per week read Scripture together. It doesn’t have to be an organized bible study nor do you have to spend gargantuan amounts of time on it. No spending necessary here. Just pick a book of the bible and start reading. Break down the chapters into smaller chunks. Brooks and I usually read something like 10 verses or so. Or a chunk of Scripture that focuses on a specific theme or parable. Read and then discuss what you’ve read. Just start.
3. Begin each discussion and devotional with prayer. Inviting God into your marriage is crucial. Our devotionals are different when we acknowledge our need for Him to help us.
4. Surround the marriage with good role models. STOP allowing negative people to impact your marriage. One of my favorite examples of marital unity in Scripture is that of Aquila and Priscilla. For me, it’s probably because we are so much alike – in biz and ministry together as a married couple. Also, be mindful of the time spent on TV shows that may be shaping how you are treating one another. Watching Desperate Housewives and the Bachelor (or the Bachelorette) are not helping matters. This stuff is not real.
5. Keep your expectations in check. You man is not going to get it right all of the time. Nor is your wife going to be the lovely, delicate flower you would like her to be. This is especially hard for independent, strong-willed women. But, I wouldn’t know anything about that… wink wink. We all mess up. So, “get back” to having realistic expectations and offer lots and lots of grace to go along with it. Again, stop looking to TV, movies, celebrities, and even Pinterest as your model of what marriage should look like.