Waiting: The Dreaded “W” Word & an Update

So many exciting things have been going down at the Davis Place. There’s just too many testimonies to fit into one blog post. But, slowly and surely, I will share them through this blog and my Instagram/FaceBook feeds. Some are small wins and others are major happenings that rocked my God-filled heart.

Waiting. Honestly, for me, waiting is much more grueling than the diagnosis (or lack there of), the treatments, the hormones, the nonexistence of understanding from loved ones, and the bitterness that will sometimes infiltrate my heart just because I’m even having to go through this. None of it pales to the waiting.

Waiting. That’s a big part of any storm.

Infertile Myrtles crawl through the dreaded “Two Week Wait”. We wait as our RE appointments sluggishly move closer and closer on our calendars, test results are run & analyzed, even the waiting rooms are torture. I mean seriously in all seriousness, we need to rename them to “Torture Chambers” and not “Waiting Rooms”. Am I right? Nerves all aglow, we sit in those uncomfortable sofas & chairs looking at magazines we have no interest in, sometimes finding ourselves staring into space. All so we can try an pass the time until we meet our dome – in Room No. 1 – for what we should also rename as the “Death Chamber”.

The death chamber is not what you would call worthy of MTV Cribs. Oh, it’s where all the “action happens” as was the popular slogan of that show, but NOT in the sense that they all meant. Those rooms are where you receive some of the worst news. A diagnosis. Yet another to-do on your ever growing list of them. Or in our case, another dead end – the “Jil, we don’t know why you’re not getting pregnant. You are perfectly healthy! You’re doing everything right.”

But I digress….

That’s not the waiting I’m talking about. Those are what I would consider the short term, minor, temporary waiting. The little ones that we all have. They’re hard but short. It’s like the HIIT workout of infertility. HIIT stands for High Intensity Interval Training. These workouts hit hard and heavy but are short lived. They bring your heart rate to a max but then slows quickly.

What I’m talking about is more of the endurance kind. It’s the sitting still for seasons on end! The being stagnant for months and perhaps years because that’s what the Lord is telling you to do.

As of now, Brooks and I have waited for 10 years, 4 months for full arms. We waited 9 years before finally having an RE investigate our bodies for a cause of infertility. That was not our choice. We had several family members and friends questioning why we hadn’t seen a specialist. We ourselves had moments of “why aren’t we going to a doctor?”. But, it was all because the Lord said wait. And He said so for a solid 9 years and 2 months. Throughout our journey, we’ve stayed as close to the Lord and His will as humanly possible (note I said HUMANLY possible) even if doing so didn’t make sense in the eyes of the world.

THAT’S the waiting I’m talking about. The Infertile Myrtles reading this are probably peeing their pants right now for a couple of reasons. One, they get what I’m talking about. Two, they’re asking themselves how on earth this couple made it 9 years without answers… the Lord. That is all. I’m telling you His peace is truly beyond understanding. #TRUTH

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7

Back to today. We find ourselves in yet another season of prayerful waiting. However, this time, we are at a crossroads. This past January, we completed a cycle of IUI that ended up in a BFN. Boo. For a while afterward, we had not received clarity as to what our next steps were. So, we just waited. {UGH that word again! Wait.}

Well friends, the waiting has finally paid off and it seems that we have a direction! The best part is that we didn’t make the decision. God did for us. He showed us the way. Whew! That’s a load off!

I hate to say it, but I can’t tell you more details about the direction we’ve gotten. We are allowing some happenings to happen before making anything public. We are also prayerfully considering what will be shared and how. As you all know, with my husband’s blessings, I am an open book. But, even still there are some things that will not be shared. But, I PROMISE to share as much of our journey with you as allowable!

In addition to this, our farm business, ThorneBrook Farms, has been growing exponentially, there are big decisions to be made about our employments, work life outside of our farm, this blog, life passions, etc. Regarding these things, God has already allowed one major decision to be made for us. Here again, He made that decision and it was a load off, albeit shocking as it was. It was the kind of thing that was like “Wait, what?!?! I didn’t agree to that! But hold the phone, God allowed it and it is for the good.”. {Enter His peace again}

Good things are in the works all around. I see that now.

In all this, I want you to grasp one thing. That no matter how long the wait, there is Goodness at work. There will be seasons of waiting with no activity in sight and there will be seasons when you are to tangibly move. There will be seasons when you are supposed to stay still and watch as God is working all around. In those seasons, you get a front row seat as He works to unfold His marvelous plan.

The Lord has told me to be still these last several months. It’s been very hard for me to do and I admit I’ve failed miserably at times. I hate being bored and am used to a full & busy life. But, He said wait. So, I’ve tried my best to do so.

If He’s asking you to be still then do so. Don’t condemn yourself for failing because that’s where His grace comes in and His peace takes over. Be excited today in knowing that while you may not be able to see Him, He’s there working. Always is He there working out good for those who believe Him. So, trust Him.

4 thoughts on “Waiting: The Dreaded “W” Word & an Update

  • March 21, 2016 at 12:59 PM
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    Hey Jil!
    I read this a bit ago but for some reason went back to it again today and I just want you to know how encouraging it was to reread it especially at this time. I don’t share the same journey with you in infertility but I have been praying for something in particular to happen for 10 years! And just the other day, the only other person who knows that I am praying for this, encouraged me to keep praying…but I said, “I’m tired of waiting, it’s been 10 years…isn’t something going to happen?!” Well, of course I calmed down and realized to just WAIT and KEEP praying. Like you said, Goodness is at work (I love that). Thanks, sister!

    Reply
    • March 23, 2016 at 2:37 PM
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      UGH! I hate that we have to wait for something so important. 🙁 I lament all the time that we are walking this path. But, it never fails, I’m always convinced that I would not be in the spiritual shape that I am today without having had to exercise my faith. My strength continues to grow thanks to the Lord’s provision and might.

      He keeps me on my toes for sure and just when I am about to give up or are actually giving up, there’s ALWAYS some form of encouragement that comes my way. I kid you not, it ALWAYS happens. I am actually preparing to write my blog post that shares what’s happened in our lives and I am planning to talk about that very issue – giving up. I don’t know when I’ll be able to publish that blog post. Still waiting on God’s timing. But, I can’t wait!

      Whatever it is that you are waiting on, keep trucking along. It is easy to give in to exhaustion, disappointment, etc. But like I said in the post, don’t be too hard on yourself. We are only human and only God can provide the strength that we need. The fact that you’re losing hope for your miracle may be a Good thing working. God is working still and could be showing you who HE is. That you can’t do this alone and without Him. That you can only muster strength from Him. He promises to provide as long as we trust. Be encouraged!

      Reply
  • March 11, 2016 at 12:01 PM
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    Good words, my birthday buddy, fellow Virginian, and future mama! Keep trusting Him in the wait. And thank you for sharing your journey.

    Reply

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