Well, it’s been about a month since I went full time SAHW (stay at home wife). It’s everything I’d thought it would be, plus a few surprises but it’s also been hard. SO much has happened over the last 4 short weeks that I still sit with my head spinning!
As I’ve mentioned before, Brooksie and I have known this was a change we had wanted for a very long time but never felt quite brave enough to make. Now, that that BIG, SCARY step has been made and we are on the other side of fear, the point of view over here is amazing.
Let’s start with the positives.
- I have been able to catch up on long awaited tasks and have created a routine for my household duties. Gone are the days when it would be 2, 3 weeks or sometimes a month between house cleanings… (a little embarrassed about this one…).
- Dinner has been on the table most nights,
- I only spent $10 on eating out for myself (this had been about $130 each month just for me!)
- I’ve been planning blog posts to write,
- a projects list has begun,
- fall garden is in,
- ThorneBrook Farms delivery season is in full swing,
- I’ve been eBaying like CRAZY to declutter the house and pay off some existing debts,
- 2016 farm planning is underway.
- OH! and I got pregnant. 😉 (Don’t get too happy. I miscarried. Read further down.)
A HUGE positive is that we’ve been able to focus full strength on our TTC efforts (trying to conceive). Our new supplement regimen has been fully incorporated and I’ve personally cut out a majority of my eating out habit. That was a big one. All of these changes and the reduction in overall stress, I believe, enabled us to conceive last month. Unfortunately, it ended very quickly as a chemical pregnancy (better known as early miscarriage) but the fact that it happened brought us some hope. God IS working and we hope His answer to our prayer will be sooooon! 🙂
We’ve had some hardships, although not all of them were surprising. The TERRIFYING reduction in our available budget monies, the looks & silent comments from those who don’t understand our decision to have me home full time… I knew those were coming.
What I didn’t expect was the intense adjustment to a slower pace of life. You guys, I stressed myself into a such a robotic state of mass chaos that when my life came to an abrupt halt it was hard for my body and mind to stop with it.
It reminds me of that time I was riding my horse heading for a jump. But when we got to that jump my horse had another plan – to STOP just shy of those painted boards. My mobile platform had stopped but my body continued forward and over the jump I went. Flat on my face. BAM! A “Thelwell’s” moment for sure.
That’s what this transition has felt like. Through my heart, God has willed us to stop that chaotic lifestyle. I fully recognize that my biggest challenge is going to be learning to work a little slower. Say what?!?!? But, we live in a world where time is money and production is key! How dare I go against the masses!
Well, my friend, I am. Who says that ‘living to work’ is right? Who gave us that instruction? Especially at something we are not passionate about?!?!?
But learning to slow down is easier said than done. The first week as SAHW was very productive and I was happy as a clam. The second week I was looking around wondering “what on earth have we done???”.
Habits are hard to change and I am finding that I have do some serious self talk as I work through my responsibilities. Whether it’s something as simple as cooking dinner or hard like helping Brooks work cattle, self-talk has become a norm.
I literally have to tell myself to slow down as I chop onions for the chili. “Jil, you love cooking! Slow down and enjoy!”. And I do! I LOVE cooking! Why am I rushing through one of my most cherished tasks in life? It’s a duty, a job, a chore. But it doesn’t have to feel like one. It can feel and BE a passion and joy.
Last night, I had the best experience. I flipped on my Pandora to some smooth, Peanuts style jazz music. Turned on the stove burner and got going on my cauliflower rice. {sigh} So this is what’s it’s like to do something you love and not have it turn into a task on your check list…
I don’t believe God ever intended us to work so much that it becomes our idol. He gave us family, friends, passions, ministry, joy, and this BEAUTIFUL earth to enjoy, too. We know we need to sleep about 8 hours of the 24 He gave us. Do you really think He meant for us to be working ALL of the other 16?
I want to leave you with a few verses that I have been focusing on. They’ve been helping me in my transition to refocus my life:
- Proverbs 23:4 Labour not to be rich; cease from thine own wisdom.
- Psalm 25:12-13 What man is he that feareth the Lord? Him shall he teach in the way that he shall choose. His soul shall dwell at ease; and his seed shall inherit the earth. {emphasis mine}
- Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
- Psalms 132:15 I will abundantly bless her provision; I will satisfy her poor with bread.
I haven’t mastered the art of walking in lieu of running through life. But, I’m learning and making progress. Slow and steady movement is still progress.
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