An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

One of the aspects of infertility that I am stark-raving passionate about is ‘living life outside of infertility’.

For the first few years of this journey, I went kicking and screaming about not having control over my wanting children. I had plans to start a family and when it didn’t happen I threw a life sized hissy fit. My every waking moment was focused on waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The sad part is that I missed out on so much life during those years.

I genuinely regret the years that I’ve lost. I won’t get those opportunities and moments back. They’re gone for good. 

I’d been reading Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and got to a section about single womanhood. Usually I blow right past sections like these because, hello(!), I’m married! But, for some reason, I was feeling a nudge to read it. 

About a paragraph in I knew exactly why. Yes, the section talked about singles. But, dog-gone, there is an important lesson in those pages that absolutely applies to barrens and, y’all, I JUST HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!  Read more

God Does Have a Plan While I’m Waiting

God Does Have a Plan While I’m Waiting

What do I do “While In Waiting”? It’s a question I have often asked myself over the years. I have much more free focus than women with children. I have skills, talents, passions but always felt a constant pull to live on the edge of my seat as though my family would expand at any moment. Like I shouldn’t commit to anything big because what if I got pregnant?

I am here to tell you that is NOT a way of life. Over and over I found myself disappointed and wasting time. So many opportunities passed me by. I was so tunnel visioned on the what ifs that I missed a part of my journey. I do regret having done this but I’ve certainly learned from it.

Remember in this post when I explained the valley? How when we are in a valley, we need to stop and smell the roses? That we need to pay attention to what God has for us now? This is what I’m talking about.

For 8.5 years, I held back on commitments, opportunities, on LIFE! God promises that He knows the plans He has for us. They include peace, hope and a future. {Jeremiah 29:11} Not one life He sets out to waste.

After countless hours of prayer and study and keeping my eyes wide open for answers, I finally found the perfect mentor for this portion of my journey. She is nameless but anything but ordinary. Read more