The Diagnosis: What in the World is MTHFR?!?!

The Diagnosis: What in the World is MTHFR?!?!

Ok, I had to. The first time I saw this acronym I swore it was a bad word. You think so too!?!?! Why is that? The human brain is interesting. Why we see it as bad word is beyond me. I would think us Infertiles would see “MOTHER” first. Anyhow, I digress…

I’ve been diagnosed with this silly little acronym. A moment that will forever be remembered. I’ve always been told I was completely healthy and there’s no reason for the inability to get pregnant.

After speaking with my doctor for a few minutes, I hung up. And then teared up. I mean for the first time, I had at least a portion of an answer. It may not be all of the answer we need. But, it was a significant piece of the puzzle. Read more

Restoration of a Broken Heart

Restoration of a Broken Heart

Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.

But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.

Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.

I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…

I had it all. Read more

The Pursuit of Thankfulness

The Pursuit of Thankfulness

I am not going to pretend to be an expert at thankfulness. I can say I’m pretty good at being an optimist and full of joy, but it’s hard to be thankful.

God expects nothing less. As righteous & blameless as this puny human would love to be, I’m still made of flesh. And because of this, thankfulness requires an enormous amount of effort on my part. It takes a response that can only be intentional. Read more

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Often when we are facing adversity of any kind, be it illness, loss, marital, financial, or child rearing, we are taught by the world to look it in the face and take charge. To take the bull by the horns so to speak. I’ve often repeated this mantra and have adopted the thinking. It’s certainly worked in many of my situations. But, the more molded to His image I become, I realize just how silly that thinking is. Read more

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

I just had to share with you something that happened this morning and truly blessed my socks off.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve found myself more anxious and physically tired than usual. I ran through the possible reasons why – too much coffee, an increased work load, unending demands of my time because of said workload. But despite all of that, it really didn’t make sense. I felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it.

The reason dawned on me this morning. My heart has been anticipating today, September 22, 2016. Read more

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

At 13.5 weeks, our miscarriage is done. It’s ironic that this would have been the weekend Brooks and I would share our good news with the world – we are pregnant with twins. But instead, it’s the weekend we got to lose our babies.

Monday, at 3:30 in the afternoon, we started to bleed heavily and that bleeding didn’t slow until the delivery of “Twin B” at around 10:30pm. While the process went smoothly and everything happened as it should have, we were not expecting this amount of blood to come. It scared us a bit and we went to the ER just in case. My levels were checked and I was given IV fluids. Everything seemed fine.. physically at least.

Read more

Grieving Through Miscarriage

Grieving Through Miscarriage

This is going to be a unique post. I am writing about something I know very little about. Infertility is known ground. I am confident in it. But now, I am navigating through new territory and am in a learning curve. At the risk of embarrassment, misunderstanding, and confusing all of you, I am going to attempt to write about and discuss this as I am wading through it. Read more