Navigating an Unexpected Health Crisis

Navigating an Unexpected Health Crisis

This new season has been eye opening.

As you are now aware, I’ve been struggling for some time and working to regain my health – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.

I’ve never had what I would consider a life crisis before. Lots of mini issues, sure. Everyone has to scale back from time to time but this was my first full blown attack that left me broken in nearly every area of my life.

For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how crucial our physical health is to everything we do. Everyday we live like we’re invincible. But, when you become so sick you can’t function on any level, you realize just how small you really are.When my physical health tore down my daily capabilities, I had to do what it took to create space in life to focus on regaining my footing. So, that’s exactly what I did. Read more

The Great Divide: It’s Time to Close the Gap

The Great Divide: It’s Time to Close the Gap

I’m going to give you fair warning that my post today is as hard for me to write as it will be for you to read. I’ve noticed a problem with today’s culture and it has spread even into the realm of infertility.

The problem is this… 
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IVF: Phase Three {Egg Retrieval}

IVF: Phase Three {Egg Retrieval}

We’re finally past the egg retrieval phase and recovered (for the most part)! As promised, here is our account of this long-awaited phase. Keep in mind, I’m sharing a lot of info here so it’s another detailed post.

The day before the transfer I didn’t have any injections or meds to take! Wahoo! The day was pretty normal. I actually felt fantastic and the bloating wasn’t bad for most of the day. Then, late afternoon my belly popped. I couldn’t believe how big it was! That later retracted as the evening went on.  Read more

NIAW 2016: The First Things I Learned @ Infertility

NIAW 2016: The First Things I Learned @ Infertility

Ah, my first lesson as an Infertile Myrtle. These were the first of many principles that God laid on my heart early on in my journey. Back when I was so self-conscious about my childlessness and felt debilitatingly alone. God knew my heart’s cries then as He still knows today. With each passing season, He shows me new and soothing bits of encouragement. I will always be a student in this way. And I’m ok with that.

Below is my second post during NIAW 2015. It was the second in the series of posts that publicly made my barrenness known to the world.


-Original Entry Date: April 23, 2015-

This past summer, while Brooksie and I were on our second trip to Nicaragua, I had the opportunity to share my story with dozens of men & women. The women of Nicaragua and our team were such an encouragement to me during that season. I had only just begun to open up and be transparent about my struggles. To hear our team lifting me up was incredible and even more touching was to have a older, Nicaraguan woman come to me, hug me and tell me a word of encouragement {in Spanish of course haha}. I didn’t catch all of it but I knew she would be praying for me in the days to come following that trip. “Los Ninos” anyone!?!
Today’s post I would like to share some highlights from the talk I gave that day. These are lessons that I learned early on through a passage in the bible – 1 Samuel 1 – the story of Hannah. 
a) God is in control – (vs 5). I know it’s cliche to say but it’s the truth. We are fearfully & wonderfully made. There is not one inch of us that is unknown to Him that created us. Not one emotion, not one tear, not one cell of cancer, not one twinge of pain goes unnoticed. I needed to trust Him. 
b) Expect enemies – (vs 6). Thankfully my husband doesn’t have “some old floozy” {in the words of Madea} provoking me to tears because she’s carrying his child and not me. I mean, Brooks would be in a world of hurt, right!?!?!? And thankfully, I am not surrounded by friends & family mocking me and speaking hurtful words. For me, my enemy has come in the form of thoughts. Too much stinkn’ thinkn’ as my friend Sharky says. It’s been said that our mind is our biggest battlefield. The thoughts that run through my head of fears, disappointment, anger, and bitterness were enough to send me to the loonie. We are to take captive every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5)! For those of you experiencing infertility, expect enemies in all shapes. They may come through thoughts, people, circumstances, anything. But don’t be discouraged. 
c) Don’t expect people to understand – part A: the husband – (vs 8). Y’all I AM BLESSED to have a husband with the caliber that he holds. Brooks is an amazing, incredible man. As perfect as he is to me, there is absolutely NO WAY he could possibly understand what I’m going through. Not only is he not wired with the same emotions & body parts but he is lacking the God-given drive to bear children. I can’t expect him to even begin to know how to handle this detriment. But back to the part where I said he is amazing – my Brooksie fully grasps Proverbs 30:15-16 where it states that a barren womb is nothing that can be satisfied, cured, fixed. Ah that word “fixed”. My man has that natural drive to want to fix his woman & family. He knows he can’t. And I can’t expect him to. My husband is the BOMB! He offers grace for my rants and seasons of depression. Love him! Infertiles, be careful how you relate to your husband during your time of infertility. He is grieving differently than you and wants to “fix” you but he can’t. Be easy on him. 
d) Don’t expect people to understand – part B: friends. As with my husband, I have INCREDIBLE friends! If you know anything about me, I lost many friends in high school and prayed for a very long time for a core group of friends that would love and support me through life’s ups and downs. God provided more than I could have ever imagined. My friends are truly the best. But like the husband, they likely won’t know what to do with you either. As great as my friends are, they haven’t always known how to handle my struggle. Many times, all we infertiles need is a hug, a movie date, or a shoulder to cry on. Your support doesn’t have to be in words. We likely don’t need advice from you but just need you to listen. Be that person we vent to (even if you’ve heard it a million times before from us). For me, laughter is good medicine. Make me laugh and you’ve done my world a huge favor. 
e) Our testimony is in our walk – vs 15 & 18. Over the last year, I have learned the biggest lesson of them all. By being transparent, not only do you help yourself but you help others too. That’s what this week is all about. I was killing myself slowly by keeping my struggle to myself. I had nowhere to vent, no one to cry to which only led to crippling loneliness. When I say crippling loneliness I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY bad loneliness. Many tears were shed because I thought I was alone, completely and utterly alone. By opening up and sharing my story over this last year, I learned that I had an enormous amount of support from other infertiles myrtles and friends/family alike. I learned that instead of being useless and unworthy (thoughts = my enemy) I could actually add value to the life of another.

Infertiles here is some tough love for you – GET UP! Like in John 5:8, when Jesus said to a man “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk”. Girls take up your bed and walk! Get out there and help others in their struggle and help those willing around you to learn about your own.

-End post-

Abraham & Sarah: A Testimony

Abraham & Sarah: A Testimony

As you know by now, the barren women of the bible are some of my most prominent mentors in learning how I am to lead a life with empty arms. I’ve spoken of Hannah before and today I want to begin walking with you through Abraham & Sarah’s journey.

They are a prominent couple in scripture with a powerful testimony of faith, as well as lack of faith. They definitely had their ups and downs throughout their marriage and most notable of them all was Abraham’s affair with Hagar… that, get this, was arranged by Sarah herself! What was that woman thinking!?! While barren women of today likely wouldn’t throw their husband to a mistress for the sake of obtaining a child, we can most assuredly identify with her desperation to have them. Read more

How to Turn Doubt Into Faith

How to Turn Doubt Into Faith

How do I turn my doubts into faith? It’s something I have endeavored to doing everyday. Not everyday is easy though.

Faith is our trials, struggles, and disappointments turned into belief, action, contentment, and peace.

Life is a revolving door of disappointment. Everyday we struggle with something – a decision, a sin, a hurt, a burden.

As I sit here at my computer, there is a whirlwind of emotion, disappointment, and tangible struggle going on, even as I type, in the Davis household. Decisions to make, health to get back, thoughts to take captive, a marriage to minister to, yes or no to further infertility treatments, and goals to make for our next 5 years (yes, we are goal setting, 5 & 10 yr planning kinda people). At the crux of our planning is the ultimate question – God are you going to make our arms full? Our planning relies on this knowledge. Do we proceed with or without that expectation? Read more

Gratitude: A List in the Making

Gratitude: A List in the Making

Have you ever had one of those weeks that is so brutal you just can’t wait for it end? I found myself saying TGIFT today… Thank Goodness It’s Friday Tomorrow. It’s been one of those weeks.

In the wake of my BFN, I am going through the normal doubts and wonderings. Questioning everything. Finding my self bored with life and unable to sit still. Wondering if I’m still on the right path.

Plus, you know, the normal life stuff. Marriage. Friendships. Family issues. Etc etc… Completely normal. We all have them! One of those weeks. Read more

Goin’ to Jackson

Goin’ to Jackson

Goin’ to Jackson. That lyric was playing in my head all throughout our trip to Jackson Hole this month. While the main theme of the song and its other lyrics didn’t hold much value to my life, it was that main lyric that kept repeating in my head and heart.

Brooksie and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary this Thursday (August 27th)! We didn’t have two pennies to rub together when we got married so we never took an elaborate honeymoon. At the time, we had decided that one day we would take a trip to Montana & Wyoming. Read more