Ok, I had to. The first time I saw this acronym I swore it was a bad word. You think so too!?!?! Why is that? The human brain is interesting. Why we see it as bad word is beyond me. I would think us Infertiles would see “MOTHER” first. Not, mother f… well you get it. Anyhow, I digress…
I’ve been diagnosed with this silly little acronym. A moment that will forever be remembered. I’ve always been told I was completely healthy and there’s no reason for the inability to get pregnant.
After speaking with my doctor for a few minutes, I hung up. And then teared up. I mean for the first time, I had at least a portion of an answer. It may not be all of the answer we need. But, it was a significant piece of the puzzle.Read more
As you are now aware, I’ve been struggling for some time and working to regain my health – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.
I’ve never had what I would consider a life crisis before. Lots of mini issues, sure. Everyone has to scale back from time to time but this was my first full blown attack that left me broken in nearly every area of my life.
For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how crucial our physical health is to everything we do. Everyday we live like we’re invincible. But, when you become so sick you can’t function on any level, you realize just how small you really are.When my physical health tore down my daily capabilities, I had to do what it took to create space in life to focus on regaining my footing. So, that’s exactly what I did.Read more
Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.
But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.
Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.
I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…
It happened. I lost my pup and four-legged companion of over a decade. It was a sudden event and there was wailing. I didn’t expect it. I had all of about 3 minutes to say goodbye, most of which was spent moving through the initial shock… I went nuts. Crazy even. No time to prepare emotionally.
My Jack was completely healthy and of course, in my attempts to live life a little more carefree, had my guard down about losing him. He died in an accident on the farm. Read more
I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.
I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?
In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojokeRead more
God uses the most amazing avenues to teach us. Being a farm girl and writer, it’s no surprise that He chooses farm analogies to reach my soul. I’m always noticing the correlation between God’s loving care for us and the principles used in animal husbandry.
For example, I don’t only see a group of chicks running for cover under their mother’s wings. I see Psalm 91:4 at work – God’s people resting and finding safety under His wings.
As a shepherdess, I often see these same striking similarities in the care & keeping of my flock of sheep.
Our circumstances have been different these last 3 or 4 years. When we started our flock they were at our personal residence and we had very high success rates with lambing. If I remember correctly, we didn’t lose a single lamb when they were at our house.
Since then, we moved and we haven’t had them with us for about three and a half years now.
Our flock has struggled since the move. Be it coyotes, parasites, trouble lambing, or pregnancy toxemia (an energy crisis) we’ve lost dozens of sheep and lambs. Read more
Often when we are facing adversity of any kind, be it illness, loss, marital, financial, or child rearing, we are taught by the world to look it in the face and take charge. To take the bull by the horns so to speak. I’ve often repeated this mantra and have adopted the thinking. It’s certainly worked in many of my situations. But, the more molded to His image I become, I realize just how silly that thinking is. Read more
I just had to share with you something that happened this morning and truly blessed my socks off.
Over the last couple of days, I’ve found myself more anxious and physically tired than usual. I ran through the possible reasons why – too much coffee, an increased work load, unending demands of my time because of said workload. But despite all of that, it really didn’t make sense. I felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it.
The reason dawned on me this morning. My heart has been anticipating today, September 22, 2016. Read more
Summer is coming to a close. The air is cooler today. I’m sitting outside in my favorite antique metal patio chair. Which by the way, Joanna Gaines has the same exact one… and yes, it’s painted in the same color. I didn’t copycat her on this one; we truly were just kindred spirits in our selections.
As I’m typing this little devotional, I’m in the middle of my yard watching my chickens eat the seeds off of the field grasses. I’m wondering where Lambie is? I let her in our yard but she’s disappeared. Who knows. Likely, she’s helping herself to my potted plants… wonderful. Annabelle is taking an afternoon siesta, along with my farmer husband Brooks, and my golden retriever, Jack, is copiloting my writing task.
Judy is a long time friend of mine. We met at church back in 2009. She was the first fellow infertile myrtle I met on this journey and has been such an encouragement to me. She’s been my prayer warrior, example, confidant, and sister in Christ through my toughest years. She shares in my sarcastic sense of humor (which I LOVE!) and as I read her post submission, I found myself giggling, crying, and nodding my head in agreement shouting “YES!!!” at so many of the details. I believe you will be doing the same, perhaps even with eyes wide open and arms raised high as mine were!
I am so excited to share her and Tim’s story because they offer a very unique view. Read more