Infertility and the Loss of a Pet

Infertility and the Loss of a Pet

It happened. I lost my pup and four-legged companion of over a decade. It was a sudden event and there was wailing. I didn’t expect it. I had all of about 3 minutes to say goodbye, most of which was spent moving through the initial shock… I went nuts. Crazy even. No time to prepare emotionally.

My Jack was completely healthy and of course, in my attempts to live life a little more carefree, had my guard down about losing him. He died in an accident on the farm.  Read more

Endurance Brought on by HOPE

Endurance Brought on by HOPE

I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.

I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?

In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojoke Read more

Covered By His Wings: A Shepherdess’ Hope

Covered By His Wings: A Shepherdess’ Hope

God uses the most amazing avenues to teach us. Being a farm girl and writer, it’s no surprise that He chooses farm analogies to reach my soul. I’m always noticing the correlation between God’s loving care for us and the principles used in animal husbandry.

For example, I don’t only see a group of chicks running for cover under their mother’s wings. I see Psalm 91:4 at work – God’s people resting and finding safety under His wings.

As a shepherdess, I often see these same striking similarities in the care & keeping of my flock of sheep.

Our circumstances have been different these last 3 or 4 years. When we started our flock they were at our personal residence and we had very high success rates with lambing. If I remember correctly, we didn’t lose a single lamb when they were at our house.

Since then, we moved and we haven’t had them with us for about three and a half years now.

Our flock has struggled since the move. Be it coyotes, parasites, trouble lambing, or pregnancy toxemia (an energy crisis) we’ve lost dozens of sheep and lambs. Read more

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Often when we are facing adversity of any kind, be it illness, loss, marital, financial, or child rearing, we are taught by the world to look it in the face and take charge. To take the bull by the horns so to speak. I’ve often repeated this mantra and have adopted the thinking. It’s certainly worked in many of my situations. But, the more molded to His image I become, I realize just how silly that thinking is. Read more

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

I just had to share with you something that happened this morning and truly blessed my socks off.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve found myself more anxious and physically tired than usual. I ran through the possible reasons why – too much coffee, an increased work load, unending demands of my time because of said workload. But despite all of that, it really didn’t make sense. I felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it.

The reason dawned on me this morning. My heart has been anticipating today, September 22, 2016. Read more

Serving Even Our Enemies

Serving Even Our Enemies

Summer is coming to a close. The air is cooler today. I’m sitting outside in my favorite antique metal patio chair. Which by the way, Joanna Gaines has the same exact one… and yes, it’s painted in the same color. I didn’t copycat her on this one; we truly were just kindred spirits in our selections.

Just sayn’!

As I’m typing this little devotional, I’m in the middle of my yard watching my chickens eat the seeds off of the field grasses. I’m wondering where Lambie is? I let her in our yard but she’s disappeared. Who knows. Likely, she’s helping herself to my potted plants… wonderful. Annabelle is taking an afternoon siesta, along with my farmer husband Brooks, and my golden retriever, Jack, is copiloting my writing task.

Read more

Guest Post: Judy & Tim’s Story

Guest Post: Judy & Tim’s Story

Judy is a long time friend of mine. We met at church back in 2009. She was the first fellow infertile myrtle I met on this journey and has been such an encouragement to me. She’s been my prayer warrior, example, confidant, and sister in Christ through my toughest years. She shares in my sarcastic sense of humor (which I LOVE!) and as I read her post submission, I found myself giggling, crying, and nodding my head in agreement shouting “YES!!!” at so many of the details. I believe you will be doing the same, perhaps even with eyes wide open and arms raised high as mine were!

I am so excited to share her and Tim’s story because they offer a very unique view. Read more

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

At 13.5 weeks, our miscarriage is done. It’s ironic that this would have been the weekend Brooks and I would share our good news with the world – we are pregnant with twins. But instead, it’s the weekend we got to lose our babies.

Monday, at 3:30 in the afternoon, we started to bleed heavily and that bleeding didn’t slow until the delivery of “Twin B” at around 10:30pm. While the process went smoothly and everything happened as it should have, we were not expecting this amount of blood to come. It scared us a bit and we went to the ER just in case. My levels were checked and I was given IV fluids. Everything seemed fine.. physically at least.

Read more

Fertile Soil: Will We Grow & How?

Fertile Soil: Will We Grow & How?
“A farmer went out to sow his seed…Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain…Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Mark 4
The parable of the four soils is one of my all time favorite parts of the gospels. Not because it is so encouraging… It’s not one of those parts that tells me “that a girl!” or confirms that I’m doing it all right. It actually convicts me each time I read over it! But, I know it’s all for good. Read the whole story here
 
As Brooks and I continue to pray through our 5 year plans and what we feel God is leading us to next, we can’t help but have this worldliness and fears crop up.

Read more

Grieving Through Miscarriage

Grieving Through Miscarriage

This is going to be a unique post. I am writing about something I know very little about. Infertility is known ground. I am confident in it. But now, I am navigating through new territory and am in a learning curve. At the risk of embarrassment, misunderstanding, and confusing all of you, I am going to attempt to write about and discuss this as I am wading through it. Read more