Ah, the life of a writer… finding similarities in the oddest of scenarios. One of my “New Year’s Resolutions”, is to source my food holistically and locally. This in hopes of successfully coming alongside the low iron deficiency anemia and MTHFR that I’ve been diagnosed with.
So, I decided to try my hand at making butter. That’s right. Butter.
It’s Sunday. The final day of 2017 and it’s a chilly one. Coffee steaming from our mugs is calling us to sip. Brooks and I are sitting by the wood stove hearing the crackle of fire. Flashes of light are bursting through the wood stove.
Thoughts and wonderment are stirring my heart about the close of one year and start of another. How will God move in our life in 2018? What call to action will we hear?
It’s peaceful in this house, exactly as it should be.
As I sit here taking in the final day of 2017, I am reminded of God’s encouragement for us to look ahead. We run a hard race here on this imperfect earth. The days filling our time here seem futile. They can be full of disappointments, regrets, and bitterness and it’s easy to get that way.
I never blame a person for feeling these emotions. I’ve felt them too over the years. Plenty of bible characters have lived their fair share of turmoil. We’re not alone in this.
I have always envisioned Christmas morning at my house. It’s a dream of mine to wake up and watch my children & husband open gifts while I sip my coffee. From there, I’d move to my farmhouse kitchen, still wrapped in my bathrobe, where I would scramble some eggs and whip up some monkey bread. Definitely hearing the sheep baaing, the rooster crowing, and some cows mooing outside of my window while grabbing for mug-o-joe number two. Girl gotta wake up… Read more
I’ve gone back and forth about writing this post for a few reasons. First, there are components of my faith and personal walk with the Lord that are private. There are prayers that I pray, convictions that I work through, and even celebrations that will remain between He and I. I’ve wondered if God’s words to me about seeking medical intervention were just for me.
Secondly, coinciding with the first reason, while I want to encourage women and couples in their own journey I didn’t fully trust that some who came across my blog (especially if I don’t know you and your faith) would read my post and use it as a rationalization for them to seek treatments. I know how us infertiles can get. We look for any reason and approval to do something that maybe we ought not. Read more
I have been thinking about all of the young women around me getting engaged. Perhaps even newly married now and I ponder the realization that they may find themselves walking the same road of infertility as me.
To you newlyweds, there may be a time when you decide “it’s time”. It’s time to grow your family. You’re ready to raise little ones to love Jesus as much as you do. You plan, plan, and plan some more. Start Pinterest boards of pretty nurseries, how to make your own baby food, and how to stay fit while pregnant.
But, 6 months goes by and you’re still not pregnant. You do a little head tilt in wonderment. A year in and you start to worry. Perhaps 6 more months goes by and you start to unravel a bit. Then, it happens. A girlfriend, sibling, cousin, or coworker announces she’s pregnant.
That’s when all sense of control breaks loose. Read more
Bouncing back. That’s the ability I’ve been gaining back these days and it feels so awesome. Since the miscarriage in 2016, I’ve been going through one of the worst seasons ever! I normally work my way through the messes of life and come out stronger. But, not this time.
Losing that ability was rough and foreign.
Here we are today, a little over a year later and I’m as perky as ever! Praise the Lord!!!
I’ve been working really hard this summer to guard my life from the intrusions that come quickly and almost silently. They’re the obligations that pop up and you feel like you have to say “yes” to. My summer has been quieter and that’s been so good for my wellness track.
But, these last few weeks have put some cracks in my armor. Read more
“As I go about my days, I can’t help but have a pure disgust for this world. It’s awful. I spend everyday watching as people hate one another. They bow to their idols. They choose themselves first… I look around my own house, marriage, and life to find so much idolatrous clutter. I am disgusted!
I feel like my body is crawling with 1000 bugs and I am trying to throw them off. Panic sets in and I’ve become more and more desperate to purge my life of sin and immorality and carnality. I wish to be a minimalist. Not because it’s a fad. But, because my life has taken on a form of its own. It has followed the gluttonous ways of this world and I no longer want anything to do with it…” [an entry from my journal] Read more
As you are now aware, I’ve been struggling for some time and working to regain my health – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.
I’ve never had what I would consider a life crisis before. Lots of mini issues, sure. Everyone has to scale back from time to time but this was my first full blown attack that left me broken in nearly every area of my life.
For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how crucial our physical health is to everything we do. Everyday we live like we’re invincible. But, when you become so sick you can’t function on any level, you realize just how small you really are.When my physical health tore down my daily capabilities, I had to do what it took to create space in life to focus on regaining my footing. So, that’s exactly what I did.Read more
Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.
But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.
Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.
I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…
It happened. I lost my pup and four-legged companion of over a decade. It was a sudden event and there was wailing. I didn’t expect it. I had all of about 3 minutes to say goodbye, most of which was spent moving through the initial shock… I went nuts. Crazy even. No time to prepare emotionally.
My Jack was completely healthy and of course, in my attempts to live life a little more carefree, had my guard down about losing him. He died in an accident on the farm. Read more