Endurance Brought on by HOPE

Endurance Brought on by HOPE

I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.

I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?

In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojoke Read more

An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

One of the aspects of infertility that I am stark-raving passionate about is ‘living life outside of infertility’.

For the first few years of this journey, I went kicking and screaming about not having control over my wanting children. I had plans to start a family and when it didn’t happen I threw a life sized hissy fit. My every waking moment was focused on waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The sad part is that I missed out on so much life during those years.

I genuinely regret the years that I’ve lost. I won’t get those opportunities and moments back. They’re gone for good. 

I’d been reading Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and got to a section about single womanhood. Usually I blow right past sections like these because, hello(!), I’m married! But, for some reason, I was feeling a nudge to read it. 

About a paragraph in I knew exactly why. Yes, the section talked about singles. But, dog-gone, there is an important lesson in those pages that absolutely applies to barrens and, y’all, I JUST HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!  Read more

Covered By His Wings: A Shepherdess’ Hope

Covered By His Wings: A Shepherdess’ Hope

God uses the most amazing avenues to teach us. Being a farm girl and writer, it’s no surprise that He chooses farm analogies to reach my soul. I’m always noticing the correlation between God’s loving care for us and the principles used in animal husbandry.

For example, I don’t only see a group of chicks running for cover under their mother’s wings. I see Psalm 91:4 at work – God’s people resting and finding safety under His wings.

As a shepherdess, I often see these same striking similarities in the care & keeping of my flock of sheep.

Our circumstances have been different these last 3 or 4 years. When we started our flock they were at our personal residence and we had very high success rates with lambing. If I remember correctly, we didn’t lose a single lamb when they were at our house.

Since then, we moved and we haven’t had them with us for about three and a half years now.

Our flock has struggled since the move. Be it coyotes, parasites, trouble lambing, or pregnancy toxemia (an energy crisis) we’ve lost dozens of sheep and lambs. Read more

Healing the Great Divide: Caroline of In Due Time

Healing the Great Divide: Caroline of In Due Time

HEALING THE GREAT DIVIDE

CAROLINE OF ‘IN DUE TIME

GUEST BLOGGER

Caroline, a fellow blogger and sister in Christ, has a unique approach to her infertility. Instead of chasing treatment after treatment, she and her husband, Colby, have chosen to remain still. In fact, as you will read in a bit, they haven’t dove hard and fast into the medical treatment world that many of us find ourselves swimming in these days. Very literally, they are sitting and waiting.

I’ve always admired this about Caroline. I myself waited 8 years before truly talking with my OB about our lack of pregnancy. Still longer before seeing a specialist and giving IVF a shot… pun intended. That is why I love Caroline’s testimony so much. Read more

Healing the Great Divide: Meredith of It’s Positive

Healing the Great Divide: Meredith of It’s Positive

Healing the Great Divide

MEREDITH of ‘IT’S POSITIVE’

GUEST BLOGGER

Meredith was one of the first long distance friends that I ‘met’ on this journey through infertility and blogging. She is a dear sister in Christ who shares the heartache of empty arms but also triumphs the despair by helping others through the heartache through her blog It’s Positive. Her walk is inspiring and her delightful ray of sunshine is contagious.

In today’s guest post, she shares some of the ways her family and friends rallied around her during the toughest times of her journey. For those of you finding yourself in the company of an Infertile Myrtle, take heed her advice and tips on what to do and say.  Read more

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Infertility: My Heart Abandoned

Often when we are facing adversity of any kind, be it illness, loss, marital, financial, or child rearing, we are taught by the world to look it in the face and take charge. To take the bull by the horns so to speak. I’ve often repeated this mantra and have adopted the thinking. It’s certainly worked in many of my situations. But, the more molded to His image I become, I realize just how silly that thinking is. Read more

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

He Speaks: One Month Miscarriage Anniversary

I just had to share with you something that happened this morning and truly blessed my socks off.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve found myself more anxious and physically tired than usual. I ran through the possible reasons why – too much coffee, an increased work load, unending demands of my time because of said workload. But despite all of that, it really didn’t make sense. I felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it.

The reason dawned on me this morning. My heart has been anticipating today, September 22, 2016. Read more

Serving Even Our Enemies

Serving Even Our Enemies

Summer is coming to a close. The air is cooler today. I’m sitting outside in my favorite antique metal patio chair. Which by the way, Joanna Gaines has the same exact one… and yes, it’s painted in the same color. I didn’t copycat her on this one; we truly were just kindred spirits in our selections.

Just sayn’!

As I’m typing this little devotional, I’m in the middle of my yard watching my chickens eat the seeds off of the field grasses. I’m wondering where Lambie is? I let her in our yard but she’s disappeared. Who knows. Likely, she’s helping herself to my potted plants… wonderful. Annabelle is taking an afternoon siesta, along with my farmer husband Brooks, and my golden retriever, Jack, is copiloting my writing task.

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Guest Post: Judy & Tim’s Story

Guest Post: Judy & Tim’s Story

Judy is a long time friend of mine. We met at church back in 2009. She was the first fellow infertile myrtle I met on this journey and has been such an encouragement to me. She’s been my prayer warrior, example, confidant, and sister in Christ through my toughest years. She shares in my sarcastic sense of humor (which I LOVE!) and as I read her post submission, I found myself giggling, crying, and nodding my head in agreement shouting “YES!!!” at so many of the details. I believe you will be doing the same, perhaps even with eyes wide open and arms raised high as mine were!

I am so excited to share her and Tim’s story because they offer a very unique view. Read more

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

Our Miscarriage Story: When Grief Takes the Helm

At 13.5 weeks, our miscarriage is done. It’s ironic that this would have been the weekend Brooks and I would share our good news with the world – we are pregnant with twins. But instead, it’s the weekend we got to lose our babies.

Monday, at 3:30 in the afternoon, we started to bleed heavily and that bleeding didn’t slow until the delivery of “Twin B” at around 10:30pm. While the process went smoothly and everything happened as it should have, we were not expecting this amount of blood to come. It scared us a bit and we went to the ER just in case. My levels were checked and I was given IV fluids. Everything seemed fine.. physically at least.

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