“As I go about my days, I can’t help but have a pure disgust for this world. It’s awful. I spend everyday watching as people hate one another. They bow to their idols. They choose themselves first… I look around my own house, marriage, and life to find so much idolatrous clutter. I am disgusted!
I feel like my body is crawling with 1000 bugs and I am trying to throw them off. Panic sets in and I’ve become more and more desperate to purge my life of sin and immorality and carnality. I wish to be a minimalist. Not because it’s a fad. But, because my life has taken on a form of its own. It has followed the gluttonous ways of this world and I no longer want anything to do with it…” [an entry from my journal] Read more
Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.
But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.
Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.
I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…
I’m ashamed to admit that, while it’s no means a habit, I’ve actually sneaked out of my office and run like a crazy person to my car in an attempt to escape the noose held in my boss’s hand. Like a criminal fleeing from the scene of a crime. Wide eyed, trying not to look over my shoulder because let’s face it, you just lose time that way! Escaping the opportunity for my boss to find me or poke his head out of the building’s door to flag me down. Yes, I’ve done that. Complete with tire tracks leading from my parking spot to the stop light… #RunLikeMadFromTheBoss #AshamedButNotReally
Step with me onto Jil’s Imagination Fun Bus for a second and conjure up a similar scene. Toot toot! All aboard! Read more
As I’ve shared my story and journey over face to face interactions, Facebook, this blog, and Instagram, I’ve had the opportunity to meet so many women who are walking or have walked this dark road that I’m on. It’s amazing the outcry of support that we women have for each other. Early in my journey, I spent so many long hours in the dark corner of my fears and failures, too timid to show my shamed face, that I was blind to so many others who were there with me. Silly me…
In going world-wide with my testimony via Instagram, I have been joyed in getting to know the lovely Meredith of It’s Positive Living. She is an infertile myrtle just like me and she loves the Lord our God with all her soul, mind, and heart. We are like-minded and kindred spirits. I’d say the saddest thing about it – she lives in Illinois and I in Virginia! I so wish for a coffee date with my new friend. For now, we will have to be content being modern-day pen pals. Read more