Living Expectantly

I’ve always felt in my heart that I needed to live expectantly. To live as though tomorrow I could get my first “BFP” (Big Fat Positive pregnancy test). I’ve based my job decisions, where to live, and even which car to drive on “but what if we have a family???”.

I am a type-A worrier and tend to have a completely booked schedule. Add to that the stress of walking through infertility and it makes life quite a doozy. One day all of that stress came crashing down and I experienced a full blown panic attack. I was exhausted, overweight, physically weak from muscle deterioration, and lived off of the worst food despite my access to high quality nutrition.

As I sat in the aftermath of my burn-out it hit me. I hadn’t been asking myself “but what if I’m CARRYING a family???”. I then realized I was missing a critical component of living expectantly. I wasn’t preparing my body physically to carry children. I had allowed so much stress and busyness into my schedule that I was completely ignoring the physical & biological aspects of motherhood. So, I made a change.

I was ready to get my body prepped for pregnancy. All of these life decisions about jobs, homes, etc. were important but it wasn’t all I needed to focus on! As fun as it is to fill my Pinterest boards with nursery ideas and cute maternity clothes, I couldn’t ignore the greatest cause of infertility… Poor health. Taking steps to de-stress, eat well, and exercise were things I needed to do to LIVE EXPECTANTLY. After A LOT of research, I went Paleo in January 2015. I’ve worked to clear my schedule a bit, learned to say “no” to time thieves, and started strength training.

I believe that we will have children one day. I don’t know when or how but we will. For now, I live expectantly cooking up meals that help instead of hinder my health and strive for a low stress life. It’s what I can do to promote a healthy environment for little ones to grow. It’s what I can do while I wait.