Mother’s Day. It’s an Infertile Myrtle’s most dreaded day of the year. It’s that reminder that you lack the very thing that consumes your every thought, inkling of energy, and penny of money. It’s an emotional day for those of us still longing for a house full of laughter and pitter-patters of feet.
If you’re a church goer as I am, it tends to be just a flop of a day because of the traditions many churches hold to celebrate motherhood. Often pastors will share a mother focused message and there are usually many baby dedications on this particular Sunday.
I learned a long time ago that my church celebrates our mothers in an extra special way. During the service all of our mothers are asked to stand. Upon doing so, every little one in our church pews runs to the front, grabs a fresh carnation, and starts disbursing them. It’s a lovely way to remember mothers in our church, many of whom serve in so many capacities outside of motherhood! It is also the most darling site to watch all of the children running about the sanctuary with flowers in their hands. The innocence is too much! Just precious.
But, what often goes overlooked are those of us women who, by no desire of our own, remain sitting during this time of recognition. You may think this a sad time for us. But I’m going to let you in on a secret. Yes, the whole day for us is depressing. But, moments like the one described above are more than that. It’s down right embarrassing and isolating to remain sitting in that pew. I look around and see virtually every woman in the entire church standing, except for me and just a couple of others. It’s like we’ve been singled out when we want more than anything to be like the others.
In years past, I’ve held back tears while I sit motionless feeling like a deer in the headlights. It’s as though I’m wearing a big bullseye on my shirt. ? Like every demon I fight in life is there in that moment. Those demons are like that annoying bully in elementary school saying “Ha. Ha. Look at you! Everyone is staring at you! You are not worthy to participate in this joyful celebration!”.
That’s why I stopped attending church on Mother’s Day. That’s the one day out of the year that I have no interest in entering His house of worship or even leaving the house for that matter. I love the sermons that talk about the ministry of motherhood. I can listen to them, learn, and receive encouragement for what I hope to be my next greatest form of ministry and life’s work. But, outside of that, the rest is just a good dose of reminder that I don’t have what my heart, mind, and body literally long for.
This is a blog about the joys of living expectantly for what’s to come. The name I chose rings true of my heart. I truly love JOY! I have found it in all areas of my life. I consider Brooks and I to be a really strong couple given what we endure. That’s all thanks to the Lord for His new mercies afforded to us everyday, His grace, and His peace that surpasses all understanding.
But, Mother’s Day, I admit, is that one area of this trial that I have not learned to overcome. I don’t know what it is. I experience isolation, sadness, and disappointment everyday in this and am always able to overcome it. Despite learning to have strength in times of trouble, Mother’s Day and the days leading up to it get my panties in a bunch! I’ve been anxious for days. Even more so, because this year I HAVE to go to church because I’m supposed to serve as teller. Duty calls.
So, this year, God is giving me the opportunity to practice the strength that He so freely gives me everyday. It will be difficult this time. I’m out of shape on the Mother’s Day front. Thankfully His grace is abundant!
I have a request for the mothers out there and I think I speak for every one of us living the infertile life. Please, enjoy your day of recognition. We in no way want to rain on your parade. We only want to be understood. Don’t take tomorrow for granted. Don’t dismiss the love that your babies and husbands will be giving to you. Embrace it and cherish it because what you may see as just another Mother’s Day is truly the very joy that many of us are not afforded. If you are in the habit of taking this holiday lightly, wake up. You’ve been given a gift that so many cannot have. Lastly, I ask that you don’t feel sorry for us. We Infertile Myrtles are a tough breed. We’ve been called to bear something that you CAN’T even imagine having to carry. But, the last thing we want is sympathy. Understanding, yes. Sympathy, no. A simple hug and thank you for being a spiritual mother to your children is enough.
To the Infertile Myrtles, I will absolutely be praying for us for this weekend. You all have been on my mind for days and to be honest I’ve shed plenty of tears over the last 48 hours to fill a tub! If you are in the habit of skipping church on Mother’s Day, I challenge you to go. Let’s try to support those whose calling to motherhood came a little earlier than ours did. We all at least understand the hardship of being a mother. Those who are actually living it out right now, need our support just as much as we need theirs. So, just as we ask that they come along side us, let us walk alongside them. They need to be praised, celebrated, supported, prayed for, encouraged, and treated. They are our sisters, our friends, our pastor’s wives, our coworkers, and our own mothers, grandmothers, and aunts.
Be blessed, encouraged, and inspired this Mother’s Day! Be a bowl full of red gummy bears to a friend or sister today! Whether you’re already a mother or are still waiting to be one, bring hope and laughter to life of another woman in your life. Duty calls, right? As does the overflowing joy that we are enabled to live out each and every day. ?
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