From Newlywed to Newly Infertile: Encouragement for the Infertile Newlywed

I have been thinking about all of the young women around me getting engaged. Perhaps even newly married now and I ponder the realization that they may find themselves walking the same road of infertility as me.

To you newlyweds, there may be a time when you decide “it’s time”. It’s time to grow your family. You’re ready to raise little ones to love Jesus as much as you do. You plan, plan, and plan some more. Start Pinterest boards of pretty nurseries, how to make your own baby food, and how to stay fit while pregnant.

But, 6 months goes by and you’re still not pregnant. You do a little head tilt in wonderment. A year in and you start to worry. Perhaps 6 more months goes by and you start to unravel a bit. Then, it happens. A girlfriend, sibling, cousin, or coworker announces she’s pregnant.

That’s when all sense of control breaks loose. 

The anger seethes and you find yourself doubting that God’s divine hand will ever open your womb. At times, you doubt so
much that you think He’s not even in control.

Young women, it will be ok. I wish I could tell you it’s an easy road. But, it’s not. I wish I could say you can speak one single prayer and it all goes away. It doesn’t.

But, here’s the thing. God has allowed you to walk this path for such a time as this. Over these last 12 years of walking this lonely road there were PLENTY of times I doubted the sound reasoning why He’d have me here.

It’s these moments that prepare us for what’s to come. That moment when a young woman walks into your life, newlywed and desperate because she & her husband haven’t been able to conceive.

Maybe you’re seasoned – say 12 years seasoned. Or two years seasoned. You’re seasoned nonetheless.

This young woman stumbling onto your path breaking free of the entanglement she finds herself in sees you. She sees an “older woman”. You have the comfort she needs through Jesus.

Young women, I want to tell you don’t be scared. Rest in the shadow of His wings from the doubt that’s chasing you. I can’t give you an answer that only the Lord can give. I can give you assurance that this race may be tough, but there is reward at the end.

PRAY fervently. SEEK Truth. Be PATIENT for His timing. And ENJOY the dash. The middle part that is full of surprise and opportunity.

Your dream of becoming a mom is only one out of many. While His timing may not be right now, focus on some of those other passions He has placed on your heart. Being a follower of Christ is our first and most important work. Our second call is to our role as a wife. And thirdly, comes motherhood.

I don’t agree with memes out there that state motherhood as our “most important work”. Oh, it’s important. And it may be even one of the most important works of our life. But, first and foremost, our most important work is kingdom work. Whatever that may entail in the season we are in.

For me, it’s not motherhood. At least not yet. Right now, it’s time for me to be a farmer’s wife, writer, and encourager.

Overarching all of this is my desire to be head over heels for my Creator God and Savior Christ. To know Him more than anyone.


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