“As I go about my days, I can’t help but have a pure disgust for this world. It’s awful. I spend everyday watching as people hate one another. They bow to their idols. They choose themselves first… I look around my own house, marriage, and life to find so much idolatrous clutter. I am disgusted!
I feel like my body is crawling with 1000 bugs and I am trying to throw them off. Panic sets in and I’ve become more and more desperate to purge my life of sin and immorality and carnality. I wish to be a minimalist. Not because it’s a fad. But, because my life has taken on a form of its own. It has followed the gluttonous ways of this world and I no longer want anything to do with it…” [an entry from my journal]
My prayers have been specific. I’ve asked God to break my heart for what breaks His. I’ve asked for my eyes to be opened, my heart to be softened, and for the steps of my feet to be magnetized towards His will.
That’s what He’s been doing and why my journal entry above is so candid. He’s broken me in places that are breaking Him… as though God is even breakable.
Part of the overarching processes I’ve been working through are drawn out in this post. I explained that my first step was to clear away some initial life clutter. I prioritized my obligations to only include spiritual health, physical health, my marriage, and my primary vocation.
A T R I P I N T O T H E F I E R Y F U R N A C E
Having done that, my next steps drilled deeper into the weeds. First were the physical aspects – my health, naturopathic regimens, medical tests, etc. As my doctor suggested, I needed to physically & mentally feel better in order to tackle the rest.
Next, I wanted to address the spiritual ones that He’s been pulling to the surface.
My heart has been sick. Be it grief, the overwhelming detriment of how MTHFR and illness leads to depression which can then lead to hopelessness even in our faith, whatever the root issue, I was finally able to see that my life had become cluttered with things that don’t mesh with where God has been leading Brooks and I.
He has been drawing us towards more and more mission work. Me through this blog and supporting my hubs. The hubs to be on the field more. We’ve been praying that God would show us how to prepare for this new passion.
Like, praying for patience, I got a hard and fast mouth full from God. He rent into me like acid on skin, tearing away all that has been hindering spiritual growth. Everything that would be stopping me from my call to serve. Every little tidbit that would dim the light of Christ in my work.
I’ve just come out of the furnace and I’m now sitting here with spiritual gauzes and bandages covering every inch of my body, healing from all of the molding, melting, and melding.
E M P T Y
God is emptying me of myself. This is how I’ve coined this season of mine – EMPTY. This portion of the season has led me to do things I’ve never done and that look different from the things I’ve shared with you on this blog. My soul is being uncluttered and so is my home.
As my journal entry stresses, I looked around my house and saw inward focus. I saw lots and lots of me. So, I began the process of throwing my house into God’s furnace, too. I tore down the pictures of Brooks and I and am replacing them with scriptures and pictures of our mission work. Less me; more Him.
I have been working to clean out every nook and cranny of our home. I didn’t realize I had accumulated some 8 or 10 bedding sets and well over 30 everyday bags. Less me; more Him.
These crevices in my home are becoming empty much like the space in my heart. It’s time we LEAVE the comforts of a life well known and start progressing towards the life God means for us. With less stuff, I will have less to think about. Less to care for. Which means, more time for Kingdom work, whatever that may look like.
R E F I L L I N G T H E V O I D
Replacing the visuals in my home with more of Him has enabled me to keep focus. I always love visual aids. I love opening my computer to a desktop picture in place of whatever it is I want my focus to be. I wrote about this very thing on our farm page.
I love entering my living room and seeing scripture on the walls and a space that will soon be filled with pictures of our work in the mission field and a special young lady, named Allison.
I love that there are more empty spaces in my home that are being filled with gear for traveling to places unseen to meet people unknown.
I love that our mornings are a bit more empty now and are being filled with quiet time, devotionals, and prayer together.
This is what I’m talking about, guys. Emptying yourself, your marriage, and your home in such a way as to fill those spaces with more God. He must increase and I must decrease. It’s when we do this – prioritizing our life to what it’s truly meant to be (a life lived for the Lord) – that doors open, peace presents itself, and we become useable tools for the Kingdom. Selah