As you are now aware, I’ve been struggling for some time and working to regain my health – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally.
I’ve never had what I would consider a life crisis before. Lots of mini issues, sure. Everyone has to scale back from time to time but this was my first full blown attack that left me broken in nearly every area of my life.
For the first time in my life, I’ve learned how crucial our physical health is to everything we do. Everyday we live like we’re invincible. But, when you become so sick you can’t function on any level, you realize just how small you really are.When my physical health tore down my daily capabilities, I had to do what it took to create space in life to focus on regaining my footing. So, that’s exactly what I did.Read more
Wow, what a ride. It’s been one of life’s seasons when things seems to ebb and flow about as smoothly as the ocean waves in a hurricane. One minute there was peace and calming. The next I was drowning. That’s what this road has been for several months now, causing me to go quiet. Blogging had gone by the wayside save for a few guest posts.
But, honestly, I had lost my will to write, share, and encourage. It’s been a season where I myself needed the encouragement and was in no condition to offer it to others.
Sounds selfish. But, truly, my soul had gone into the depths of despair and depression.
I knew things were getting bad when I started withdrawing. Having gone through bouts of depression before I know the warning signs – reclusive, lost interest in hobbies, friends, loved ones, fatigued, loss or gain of appetite, headaches, dizziness, etc. The bitterness… oh, the bitterness…
It happened. I lost my pup and four-legged companion of over a decade. It was a sudden event and there was wailing. I didn’t expect it. I had all of about 3 minutes to say goodbye, most of which was spent moving through the initial shock… I went nuts. Crazy even. No time to prepare emotionally.
My Jack was completely healthy and of course, in my attempts to live life a little more carefree, had my guard down about losing him. He died in an accident on the farm. Read more
I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.
I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?
In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojokeRead more
One of the aspects of infertility that I am stark-raving passionate about is ‘living life outside of infertility’.
For the first few years of this journey, I went kicking and screaming about not having control over my wanting children. I had plans to start a family and when it didn’t happen I threw a life sized hissy fit. My every waking moment was focused on waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The sad part is that I missed out on so much life during those years.
I genuinely regret the years that I’ve lost. I won’t get those opportunities and moments back. They’re gone for good.
I’d been reading Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and got to a section about single womanhood. Usually I blow right past sections like these because, hello(!), I’m married! But, for some reason, I was feeling a nudge to read it.
About a paragraph in I knew exactly why. Yes, the section talked about singles. But, dog-gone, there is an important lesson in those pages that absolutely applies to barrens and, y’all, I JUST HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU! Read more
God uses the most amazing avenues to teach us. Being a farm girl and writer, it’s no surprise that He chooses farm analogies to reach my soul. I’m always noticing the correlation between God’s loving care for us and the principles used in animal husbandry.
For example, I don’t only see a group of chicks running for cover under their mother’s wings. I see Psalm 91:4 at work – God’s people resting and finding safety under His wings.
As a shepherdess, I often see these same striking similarities in the care & keeping of my flock of sheep.
Our circumstances have been different these last 3 or 4 years. When we started our flock they were at our personal residence and we had very high success rates with lambing. If I remember correctly, we didn’t lose a single lamb when they were at our house.
Since then, we moved and we haven’t had them with us for about three and a half years now.
Our flock has struggled since the move. Be it coyotes, parasites, trouble lambing, or pregnancy toxemia (an energy crisis) we’ve lost dozens of sheep and lambs. Read more
Caroline, a fellow blogger and sister in Christ, has a unique approach to her infertility. Instead of chasing treatment after treatment, she and her husband, Colby, have chosen to remain still. In fact, as you will read in a bit, they haven’t dove hard and fast into the medical treatment world that many of us find ourselves swimming in these days. Very literally, they are sitting and waiting.
I’ve always admired this about Caroline. I myself waited 8 years before truly talking with my OB about our lack of pregnancy. Still longer before seeing a specialist and giving IVF a shot… pun intended. That is why I love Caroline’s testimony so much. Read more
Meredith was one of the first long distance friends that I ‘met’ on this journey through infertility and blogging. She is a dear sister in Christ who shares the heartache of empty arms but also triumphs the despair by helping others through the heartache through her blog It’s Positive. Her walk is inspiring and her delightful ray of sunshine is contagious.
In today’s guest post, she shares some of the ways her family and friends rallied around her during the toughest times of her journey. For those of you finding yourself in the company of an Infertile Myrtle, take heed her advice and tips on what to do and say. Read more
I am not going to pretend to be an expert at thankfulness. I can say I’m pretty good at being an optimist and full of joy, but it’s hard to be thankful.
God expects nothing less. As righteous & blameless as this puny human would love to be, I’m still made of flesh. And because of this, thankfulness requires an enormous amount of effort on my part. It takes a response that can only be intentional. Read more
Summer is coming to a close. The air is cooler today. I’m sitting outside in my favorite antique metal patio chair. Which by the way, Joanna Gaines has the same exact one… and yes, it’s painted in the same color. I didn’t copycat her on this one; we truly were just kindred spirits in our selections.
As I’m typing this little devotional, I’m in the middle of my yard watching my chickens eat the seeds off of the field grasses. I’m wondering where Lambie is? I let her in our yard but she’s disappeared. Who knows. Likely, she’s helping herself to my potted plants… wonderful. Annabelle is taking an afternoon siesta, along with my farmer husband Brooks, and my golden retriever, Jack, is copiloting my writing task.