Empty

Empty

“As I go about my days, I can’t help but have a pure disgust for this world. It’s awful. I spend everyday watching as people hate one another. They bow to their idols. They choose themselves first… I look around my own house, marriage, and life to find so much idolatrous clutter. I am disgusted!

I feel like my body is crawling with 1000 bugs and I am trying to throw them off. Panic sets in and I’ve become more and more desperate to purge my life of sin and immorality and carnality. I wish to be a minimalist. Not because it’s a fad. But, because my life has taken on a form of its own. It has followed the gluttonous ways of this world and I no longer want anything to do with it…” [an entry from my journal] Read more

Basking In Projects – NIAW 2017

Basking In Projects – NIAW 2017

Have you ever been in a place in life where you look around and think “I should be more disappointed than I am”? That moment when you are missing a critical component to your life and yet, you have peace, joy, and just… shear contentment, anyways?

That’s where I am. Despite still missing some babies running around, I am basking in the sunlight that I find myself in.

I have so much coming down the pike and I am so excited about all of it. In this time of waiting, I have finally kicked my butt into gear and started getting stuff done. It was time to get cracking on those dreams I’ve had on hold for a decade or more and it just so happens that you guys get to share in the excitement. Read more

An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

An Empty Womb: What My Life Looks Like Without Children

One of the aspects of infertility that I am stark-raving passionate about is ‘living life outside of infertility’.

For the first few years of this journey, I went kicking and screaming about not having control over my wanting children. I had plans to start a family and when it didn’t happen I threw a life sized hissy fit. My every waking moment was focused on waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The sad part is that I missed out on so much life during those years.

I genuinely regret the years that I’ve lost. I won’t get those opportunities and moments back. They’re gone for good. 

I’d been reading Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and got to a section about single womanhood. Usually I blow right past sections like these because, hello(!), I’m married! But, for some reason, I was feeling a nudge to read it. 

About a paragraph in I knew exactly why. Yes, the section talked about singles. But, dog-gone, there is an important lesson in those pages that absolutely applies to barrens and, y’all, I JUST HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!  Read more

Established: How We Attain Our Goals

Established: How We Attain Our Goals

Brooks and I have always been goal keepers [notice I said goal keepers and not goal setters]. About the time we married, we wrote out our life goals. Family goals, starting & growing a profitable business, growing our own food, paying debt off, raising a large herd of livestock, goals regarding our quality of life, a trip to Wyoming, and few financial goals were among the many listed. 

By age 30, we realized that we had met nearly every single ambition with the exception of two – our desire for 3 to 5 children and a large parcel of land that fits our farming lifestyle and that our parents could retire on. One is out of our control (growing a family) and the other just takes time (acquiring land large enough to accommodate 100+ head of cattle).

How did we do that? How did we marry in our early twenties and accomplish nearly every goal for ourselves within a short period of time? Was our vision too small? Was is that we found the “secret” on how to meet goals? Read more