I’ve often wondered why I try so hard. I mean, this general wondering can be applied to just about everything in life – work, marriage, child rearing. Anything. But, for me it’s mostly that relentless need to keep the pursuit of a growing family. I believe this is where Proverbs 30:15-16 comes into play.
I’ve failed at many things in my lifetime most of which I simply stand back up, brush myself off, and walk on in another direction. So, what is it that keeps me going in this relentless battle to have my babies?
In this journey, I’ve always felt like if I could just try IVF that’ll be all I need. If I can just do that, if it fails, I will finally have closure and can move on. Last year, we did IVF, had our first frozen embryo transfer, were pregnant with twins, and subsequently miscarried both. If you’ve been following our journey, you know that we’ve been spending these last several months healing. #miscarriageisnojokeRead more
Have you ever been in a place in life where you look around and think “I should be more disappointed than I am”? That moment when you are missing a critical component to your life and yet, you have peace, joy, and just… shear contentment, anyways?
That’s where I am. Despite still missing some babies running around, I am basking in the sunlight that I find myself in.
I have so much coming down the pike and I am so excited about all of it. In this time of waiting, I have finally kicked my butt into gear and started getting stuff done. It was time to get cracking on those dreams I’ve had on hold for a decade or more and it just so happens that you guys get to share in the excitement. Read more
One of the aspects of infertility that I am stark-raving passionate about is ‘living life outside of infertility’.
For the first few years of this journey, I went kicking and screaming about not having control over my wanting children. I had plans to start a family and when it didn’t happen I threw a life sized hissy fit. My every waking moment was focused on waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The sad part is that I missed out on so much life during those years.
I genuinely regret the years that I’ve lost. I won’t get those opportunities and moments back. They’re gone for good.
I’d been reading Kingdom Woman by Tony Evans and got to a section about single womanhood. Usually I blow right past sections like these because, hello(!), I’m married! But, for some reason, I was feeling a nudge to read it.
About a paragraph in I knew exactly why. Yes, the section talked about singles. But, dog-gone, there is an important lesson in those pages that absolutely applies to barrens and, y’all, I JUST HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU! Read more
God uses the most amazing avenues to teach us. Being a farm girl and writer, it’s no surprise that He chooses farm analogies to reach my soul. I’m always noticing the correlation between God’s loving care for us and the principles used in animal husbandry.
For example, I don’t only see a group of chicks running for cover under their mother’s wings. I see Psalm 91:4 at work – God’s people resting and finding safety under His wings.
As a shepherdess, I often see these same striking similarities in the care & keeping of my flock of sheep.
Our circumstances have been different these last 3 or 4 years. When we started our flock they were at our personal residence and we had very high success rates with lambing. If I remember correctly, we didn’t lose a single lamb when they were at our house.
Since then, we moved and we haven’t had them with us for about three and a half years now.
Our flock has struggled since the move. Be it coyotes, parasites, trouble lambing, or pregnancy toxemia (an energy crisis) we’ve lost dozens of sheep and lambs. Read more
Brooks and I have always been goal keepers [notice I said goal keepers and not goal setters]. About the time we married, we wrote out our life goals. Family goals, starting & growing a profitable business, growing our own food, paying debt off, raising a large herd of livestock, goals regarding our quality of life, a trip to Wyoming, and few financial goals were among the many listed.
By age 30, we realized that we had met nearly every single ambition with the exception of two – our desire for 3 to 5 children and a large parcel of land that fits our farming lifestyle and that our parents could retire on. One is out of our control (growing a family) and the other just takes time (acquiring land large enough to accommodate 100+ head of cattle).
How did we do that? How did we marry in our early twenties and accomplish nearly every goal for ourselves within a short period of time? Was our vision too small? Was is that we found the “secret” on how to meet goals? Read more
The sense of urgency for a social media break had been hovering over me for some time. So, on December 24, I signed off of my personal sites. I still managed my business and blog pages but only minimally; And I mean very minimally.
I can honestly say, I didn’t scroll. Not once. My thumb is grateful for the downtime… 👍🏻
I wanted this break for a lot reasons. I was deep into a season of busyness and finding it difficult to surface for air. My aptitude for optimism, multitasking, and enjoying life were suffering. This naturally affected my health, marriage, finances, and quietness with God. Read more
Caroline, a fellow blogger and sister in Christ, has a unique approach to her infertility. Instead of chasing treatment after treatment, she and her husband, Colby, have chosen to remain still. In fact, as you will read in a bit, they haven’t dove hard and fast into the medical treatment world that many of us find ourselves swimming in these days. Very literally, they are sitting and waiting.
I’ve always admired this about Caroline. I myself waited 8 years before truly talking with my OB about our lack of pregnancy. Still longer before seeing a specialist and giving IVF a shot… pun intended. That is why I love Caroline’s testimony so much. Read more
One of the things that has really disappointed me about myself and other infertiles is that we tend to expect everyone to read our minds. We know better than that and so I’ve often wondered why we do this. Do we really think the people around us have special, magical powers? None of us holds that belief… at least I hope not. Ha!
I’ve come to realize, we hope they read our minds so that we don’t have to do the brutally hard work of opening up about something so painful.Read more
Meredith was one of the first long distance friends that I ‘met’ on this journey through infertility and blogging. She is a dear sister in Christ who shares the heartache of empty arms but also triumphs the despair by helping others through the heartache through her blog It’s Positive. Her walk is inspiring and her delightful ray of sunshine is contagious.
In today’s guest post, she shares some of the ways her family and friends rallied around her during the toughest times of her journey. For those of you finding yourself in the company of an Infertile Myrtle, take heed her advice and tips on what to do and say. Read more